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If Your House Could Speak
[The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this letter are mostly fictitious. No identification with actual people (living or deceased) or structures is intended or should be inferred.]
Dear capable caretaker,
It’s me your house and I have something I want to share
with you without judgment, pressure or shame…Your faithful, loving house
Dear capable caretaker,
[THE APPROACH]
It has been my great honor and duty to shelter you from the frigid weather, and chilly rainfall. I have guarded your privacy, given you a profound sense of security while you slept, and given you a place to call home. I have lightened with your laughter and contained you in the dark moments. I have born witness to your worries, tears and fears. When you have wanted to be warm I have responsively filled the room with heat. As night has come earlier and lasted longer in this Seattle season I have shown brightly and given you LED bright in every room. When your phone has warned “low battery” I have dependably pumped new life into your critical appendage. And when you have needed a hot springs soak I have gladly filled your tub to the steaming brim. I have proudly carried the plumbing label of in-house rather than out-house and and never whimpered and complained of your standard of “normal wear from use.” So, it is with care and kindness that I come to what I am about to share.
[THE TURN]
You have cared for me as best you as are able, and for that I am profoundly grateful. You’ve grown in your understanding and capabilities. I see that box of tools, garage full of parts and heard your plans for repairs or intentions to call someone about that issue. So I gently offer you this: The time has come for you to reach out for help. It’s time for you to make some resolutions that will improve my well-being, and as a result your feelings about me.
[THE REASON]
You are well-meaning. Your heart is good. Yes, I believe you are a good person. I’m not trying to intensify shame, just offer a little nudge in the house-care direction. You spend much time in your car depending on it for so much. And when it speaks up in its little dash-light-way, you make time to maintain it or take it into mechanic for evaluation. When your body feels off, or even when it feels fine, you have a get-together with your physician, regularly. You do the same with your teeth! I am your biggest financial investment. You don’t plan to trade me in at a hundred-thousand miles. I’ll never leave you, and I stand here knowing one day you’ll leave me. Yet I remain faithful and unwavering. So please do not neglect me. As we move through this winter, budget a little time, a little money, and a little care for me.
[THE IDEA]
I had a little idea that I want to put out to you. Remember that home inspector guy that poked around me when we first met. He was a little in my business but he preserved my dignity in a very professional way. He was friendly, told a lot of stories, and had so many answers and suggestions for our life together. Well, I was thinking that maybe you’d invite him back again for another one of those inspection things he did. Let him look me over and give you an assessment about how I’m doing, and offer some suggestions of some repairs or maintenance. I know it will give you some peace of mind and it will set us up for a vibrant year of hosting folks, enjoying family and living life. I want to do this year together and well. What do you say? He left his business card somewhere… oh, heck, forget his business card. He keeps sending these emails to remind you he’s still around. So please, give him a call or email. I bet he could be here in the next week or two and will complete things in just a couple hours. We’ll both feel so much better I’m certain.
[THE RE-ASSURANCE]
How’s this letter and what I’m sharing sitting with you? You okay? Feeling a little guilty? Is shame showing up? You are still a good person. I care about you and have no plans on leaving you. Our relationship is not on the line. I am just hoping to bring a little spice back into our life and improve the quality of what we have. I’m going to help you. I looked up his info and have it for you here. Mike with that clever business title, “Wright Way Home Inspection.” Give him a call (425) 387-1975 or email (mike@wrightwayhomeinspection.com). I gave him a heads up you might be calling so he won’t be surprised when you call.
Sincerely, Your faithful and loving house.
[scene ends, homeowner leaves, house says]
“Phew, that went better than I thought”
